Motivation/Inspiration
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Make America Healthy Again, with Tex-Mex and BBQ!
BBQ, Tex-Mex, and the Health Police: Mullethead & Hambone Weigh In
Spotlight on. The Lonestar Saloon stage is set. Mullethead and Hambone stroll up to the mic, Shiner Bocks in hand, cowboy boots tapping on the wooden floor.
Mullethead: (adjusting his Stetson) Howdy, y’all! I’m Mullethead, Texas-born, BBQ-fed, and cholesterol-led!
Hambone: (grinning) And I’m Hambone, the only man in Texas who considers Tex-Mex a food group.
Mullethead: And together, we’re here to ask the important question: If BBQ and Tex-Mex disappear, what’s left? Tofu and toadstools?
Hambone: (shudders) Tofu ain’t never comforted a man after a hard day’s work, Mullethead!
Mullethead: Exactly, but the government’s got this new program, “Make America Healthy Again.” It’s got folks worried they’ll take away our brisket and turn our tacos into lettuce wraps.
Hambone: (shaking his head) Look, I appreciate folks tryin’ to eat healthy. But you can’t just replace smoked brisket with BBQ tofu. You can’t call that progress! What are we supposed to do, smoke a pumpkin? Wait, that actually sounds pretty good!
Mullethead: (stroking his chin) Now hold on, Hambone. Maybe we’re lookin’ at this all wrong. Maybe we just need to make BBQ “healthy.”
Hambone: Healthy BBQ? That’s like sayin’ “jumbo shrimp” or “government efficiency.” Some things simply make no sense Mullet!
Healthy BBQ & Tex-Mex—Is It Possible?
Mullethead: Now hear me out! Instead of smokin’ an untrimmed brisket we trim the hell out of it and inject it with a boatload of wait for it—avocado oil! Healthy fat right?
Hambone: (offended) Mullethead, you watch your mouth. Avocado oil? What’s next? Kale-flavored tortilla chips? Smoked Tofurky?
Mullethead: You’re right. That was outta line. Okay, how about this? Instead of Flintstone ribs, we do lean turkey ribs!
Hambone: TURKEY ribs? You ever seen a turkey with ribs big enough to BBQ? What’s next, chili con corny instead of chili con carne?
Mullethead: (gasping) Don’t speak such evil, Hambone!
Hambone: (nodding) That’s right, some things are sacred, like the Alamo, and guacamole.
Will People Stop Eating Tex-Mex & BBQ?
Mullethead: But let’s be honest. Even if the government banned brisket tomorrow, Texans would just start bootlegging BBQ. It would be like Prohibition. You’d have underground smokehouses and brisket speakeasies. Folks would whisper passwords like “low and slow” to buy a quarter bag of burnt ends.
Hambone: And I’d be there runnin’ the black-market queso operation out of my garage. “You want the good stuff? Aged cheddar, full-fat, none of that low-cal crap. Smoked gouda? Sure, come on in weirdo.”
Mullethead: (nodding) No Velveeta in sight! But let’s be real—Texans ain’t givin’ up their BBQ or their Tex-Mex. Instead, we’ll just eat it in moderation.
Hambone: That’s right! Moderation. I eat Tex-Mex in moderation—I just make sure to do it at least three times a day.
Mullethead: That’s not how moderation works, Hambone.
Hambone: You got to believe!
Making “Healthier” BBQ & Tex-Mex… Texas-Style!
Mullethead: Alright, alright, alright. If we had to make BBQ and Tex-Mex a little healthier, what changes would we make?
Hambone: I got an idea! Instead of fryin’ everything, we bake it!
Mullethead: (nodding) Okay, like baked tortilla chips instead of fried?
Hambone: Exactly! And instead of fryin’ our puffy taco shells in oil, we air fry ‘em.
Mullethead: (gasps) Air fryin’? Now you’re talkin’ nonsense, Hambone! You wanna make Texas even more like California? Next thing you know, you’ll be puttin’ quinoa in the cornbread!
Hambone: I’d never betray Texas like that, Mullethead!
Mullethead: Good, ‘cause I was about to call your mom.
The Bottom Line: Moderation is Key!
Hambone: Look, y’all, here’s the truth. BBQ and Tex-Mex ain’t the problem. It’s eatin’ it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner without ever touchin’ a vegetable or staying active that’s the problem.
Mullethead: (nodding) That’s right. Y’all can keep your turkey ribs and avocado oil, but I say enjoy the real stuff—in moderation.
Hambone: Exactly! Eat your brisket, enjoy your enchiladas, just maybe don’t deep-fry a Snickers bar to chase it all down.
Mullethead: (grinning) Or do. We ain’t your mom.
Final Punchline
Hambone: So, in conclusion, the “Make America Healthy Again” initiative makes total sense. But, they better leave our BBQ alone. They should also leave our Tex-Mex alone!
Mullethead: ‘Cause Texas without BBQ and Tex-Mex is like a cowboy without boots—it just don’t feel right!
Hambone: So enjoy your food, folks, stay happy, stay healthy, and if anyone tries to take away your queso—
Mullethead: (pointing to the crowd) You tell ‘em Mullethead and Hambone have a bone to pick!
Hambone: (raising a glass) Now somebody pass the guacamole and let’s keep this party goin’!
Cue applause, hat tips, and a final bow as the audience roars with laughter.
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