Mullethead & Hambone Take the Backroads: A Houston Adventure Gone Hilariously Sideways
Mullethead, a Texan with a hat full of outlandish ideas, an outdated map, and Hambone, his best friend, were restless. San Antonio’s familiar twang was starting to sound like a lullaby, and they craved an adventure.
This time, however, the allure of the open road beckoned. Houston, the sprawling metropolis, awaited, but not via the boring interstate. No, sir, Mullethead, fueled by a questionable travel blog and a thirst for the unexpected, declared they’d take the backroads.
Thus began their odyssey, filled with detours, delightful discoveries, and enough roadside diner coffee to fuel a rocket launch.
Day 1: Getting Lost (and Found) in the Backroads to Houston
Breakfast Blunders and a Lone Star Welcome
Their grand adventure began at a gas station diner with peeling paint and a menu that seemed written in riddles.
Mullethead, the eternal optimist, declared the “mystery meat surprise” a breakfast adventure.
Meanwhile, Hambone stuck to eggs and coffee (strong enough to wake the dead, or at least a particularly sluggish zombie).
Fueled by questionable protein and strong coffee, they embarked on the backroads, Mullethead navigating with the unwavering confidence of a meth’d-up squirrel with a stolen compass.
Let’s just say their chosen route involved more dusty gravel and dead ends than anticipated.
Accidental Animal Sanctuary and a Helping Hand
A wrong turn (or ten) later, they stumbled upon a large, struggling animal sanctuary.
Touched by the plight of the abandoned critters, they spent the afternoon helping muck stalls and sparring with a particularly ill-tempered llama named Larry.
Mullethead, surprisingly adept at wrangling hay bales, even managed to charm a shy pot-bellied pig named Polly, earning him a suspicious side-eye from Hambone (Mullethead’s newfound animal magnetism was a bit unsettling).
BBQ Bliss and Barnyard Blues
By late afternoon, their stomachs were rumbling louder than a herd of stampeding longhorns.
Luckily, a plume of smoke in the distance led them to a hidden gem: a roadside BBQ joint with a reputation for ribs that could melt your boots clean off.
After a feast fit for a king (or at least a very hungry Texan), they continued their backroad journey.
The sun went full-on Texan sunset, paintin’ the sky with more colors than a Rodeo clown’s wardrobe.
However, their peaceful drive was interrupted by a frantic farmer waving them down. His prize cow, Bessie, had gotten spooked and wandered off.
Ever the helpful souls (and secretly hoping for a Bessie selfie for Mullethead’s collection), they joined the search.
Eventually, they coaxed the wayward bovine back to her pasture with Hambone’s surprisingly soothing rendition of “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” (much to Mullethead’s amusement).
Exhausted but exhilarated, they finally found a cool little bed and breakfast amongst the rolling hills, vowing to tackle Houston proper tomorrow.
Day 2: Urban Adventures and Unforeseen Encounters
Mural Magic in Montrose
Refreshed by a breakfast of fluffy pancakes and real maple syrup (a welcome change from yesterday’s mystery meat surprise), they found the outskirts of Houston.
They then stumbled upon Montrose, an offbeat neighborhood known for its vibrant art scene.
Finding a large concentration of street art and murals, they spent the morning snapping pictures and marveling at the artistic talent on display.
Mullethead struck silly, Instagram-worthy poses in front of each mural, much to Hambone’s amusement (and confused looks from local dog walkers).
Art Car Chaos and Culinary Comfort
Next on their agenda was a visit to the Art Car Parade Museum (update: it recently closed), a haven for Houston’s most outrageous and creatively decorated vehicles.
Mullethead, mesmerized by a car shaped like a giant crawfish, declared it his power animal (Hambone wisely refrained from commenting).
Lunch, however, drove them on a culinary quest. Bound for an eating adventure, they stumbled upon Pho Saigon Midtown thanks to Mullethead’s dubious “Gas Station Restroom Graffiti” app.
Inside the bustling eatery, Mullethead, in typical Texan fashion, ordered the “Pho Dac Biet,” a behemoth of a noodle bowl he declared a “Texas barnyard throwdown.”
Hambone, always cautious, stuck to a simpler chicken pho. As they slurped noodles and savored the fragrant broth, Mullethead, in between bites, declared Pho Saigon a Vietnamese culinary revelation, akin to a “refreshing Texas summer thunderstorm in a bowl.”
Needless to say, their lunch was a hilarious and delicious highlight of their Houston expedition.
Urban Adventures and Unforeseen Encounters (continued)
Brewery Bonanza and Bayou Beats
Building upon their culinary conquest, they stumbled upon a haven for hopheads: a nearby craft brewery called 8th Wonder Brewery.
Mullethead, still buzzing from his “Texas barnyard throwdown” lunch, practically did the “Howdy Doody” handshake with the bartender while Hambone, relieved to be out of the heat, scanned the beer list with the focus of a Harris’s hawk searching for a juicy field mouse.
Mullethead, naturally bent on self-destruction, ordered a “Sabotage Stout, “while Hambone, currently a pragmatist, stuck to a safer wheat beer.
As they clinked glasses, Mullethead was already dreaming up stories about their brewery adventure (possibly involving rogue yeast strains and rodeo clown mascots).
Mullethead, the social butterfly, regaled the bartender with tales of their backroad escapades, his Texan drawl thicker than the molasses Hambone suspected was in his third beer.
Hambone, content to soak in the atmosphere and people-watch, couldn’t help but grin at Mullethead’s enthusiasm (many of his stories seemed to involve near-death experiences with bad-tempered bulls).
Hambone chuckled, knowing a few cold beers and some good company were the perfect way to end a historic Houston day.
Sunset Symphony and a Starry Surprise
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting an orange glow over the city, they decided to drive along the Buffalo Bayou.
The calm water reflected the twinkling city lights, creating a picturesque panorama. Pulling over at a scenic overlook, they sat in comfortable silence, the chirping of crickets their only soundtrack.
Suddenly, Mullethead whipped out a star chart he’d snagged from a gas station gift shop (along with a dubious pair of glow-in-the-dark sunglasses).
His attempts to identify constellations were more comical than accurate, but Hambone played along, pointing out celestial cowboys and armadillo astronauts.
An evening check-in at a nearby chain hotel would provide the required restful sleep needed for the final leg of their journey.
Day 3: Backroads to Houston Highlights and a Farewell (with a Twist)
Spacetacular Send-Off
Their final day in Houston dawned bright and clear. There were no backroads for them today; they were determined to conquer the city’s crown jewel: the Space Center Houston.
Mullethead, in his element, surrounded by rockets and moon rocks, bounced around like a kid in a candy store.
Hambone, fascinated by the scale of the space program, marveled at the ingenuity required to launch humans into the cosmos.
They spent hours exploring exhibits and trying out astronaut simulators (Mullethead crash-landed his virtual spaceship on Mars).
Finally, they snapped pictures with a friendly-looking space alien.
Farewell Feast and a Flat Tire Farewell
With heavy hearts (and slightly lighter wallets), they prepared to depart Houston. One last stop for a farewell feast of steaming, hot fajitas seemed fitting.
As they piled into Mullethead’s trusty pickup truck, disaster struck: a flat tire. Mullethead wrestled the spare tire from its mount, only to discover it was flat.
But, as dread set in, a group of friendly locals pulled up, offering a ride to a nearby gas station. Humbled, Mullethead and Hambone offered payment but were refused, instead regaling them with tales of their Houston adventures.
With their spirits high, they finally said goodbye to Houston, scrapping their fajita finale but vowing to return someday (hopefully with a functional spare tire).
Back to San Antonio and Beyond
The familiar Texas landscape unfolded before them as they drove back to San Antonio. The setting sun cast a fiery glow across the sky, a fitting end to their whirlwind Houston adventure.
Mullethead, surprisingly reflective, admitted he wouldn’t trade their wrong turns and questionable meals for anything.
Hambone, the pragmatist, chuckled. “Well, Mullethead, maybe next time we stick to the interstate. Anyway, at least we have a tall tale to tell!”
Explore Houston Your Way!
Houston, with its vibrant art scene, diverse neighborhoods, and unexpected charm, is a city waiting to be explored.
So, grab your best friend and maybe a reliable map (unlike Mullethead’s), and plan your own Houston hootenanny!
You never know what hilarious mishaps and encounters await you on the backroads to this dynamic Texan metropolis.
Share your own Houston adventures in the comments below!
Did you have a close encounter with a rodeo clown? Get lost in a maze of street art? We want to hear your stories!
Meanwhile, to keep up with Mullethead and Hambone‘s future misadventures (and questionable choices), subscribe to our site for the latest updates! Texas-sized laughs and heartwarming travel tales await!