Tex-Mex Wisdom and TikTok Tears: A Mullethead & Hambone Rant
(a fictional commentary)
Scene: El Fuego Fiesta, a Tex-Mex joint hotter than a habanero hopping into a hot tub. Mullethead, sporting a faded ZZ Top shirt and a grin wider than the Colorado River, shoves a mountain of barbacoa into his mouth. Hambone, sporting a “Keep Austin Weird” hat and a salsa-stained face, raises a frosty margarita.
Hambone: (Scarfing down a nacho) Man, this barbacoa could cure a hellacious hangover after a frat party with a tequila fountain. It’s amazing! And so far it ain’t a dish getting ruined, or driving up its’ cost, by a TikTok trend.
Mullethead: (Mouth full) Speakin’ of the apocalypse, did you see that ad on my news feed? It was a kid breakin’ bricks with his face, said it was some “TikTok challenge.” I swear, Hambone, these kids are doomed.
Hambone: Doomed? Exactly Mullethead, they’re dancin’ to Cardi B in skimpy outfits. Or lip-syncing to motivational quotes, and callin’ it “content.” It’s like a lobotomy with a beat.
Mullethead: And the worst part? They’re gettin’ paid for it. Businesses are throwin’ money at these TikTok influencers like they’re handin’ out free tacos at a fiesta. It’s like they’re buyin’ their way into the minds of a generation raised on instant gratification and goldfish attention spans.
Hambone: You ain’t wrong. Remember when that influencer was pushing “miracle weight loss” tea? Turns out, the only thing it cured was thirst, and maybe a mild case of dysentery.
Mullethead: (Snorts) Yes and what about that “life hack” video where the dude tried to iron his jeans with a blow dryer? He ended up lookin’ like he’d picked a fight with a prickly pear cactus. I’m telling ya Hambone, these kids are one algorithm away from thinkin’ the moon’s made of marshmallows and babies are delivered by drones.
What the Tik…Tok?
Hambone: Don’t give ’em ideas, Mullethead. Next thing you know, they’ll be launchin’ themselves at the moon with nothin’ but a skateboard and a lust for likes.
Mullethead: (Raises his beer) To the good ol’ days, when the only influencer we needed was a good ol’ granny tellin’ us to eat our vegetables and maybe join a mariachi band.
Hambone: (Clinks his glass) Amen to that, brother. Pass the salsa, and let’s drown our sorrows in queso and common sense. Maybe if we eat enough refried beans, we’ll grow brains big enough to shield ourselves from the TikTokening.
Mullethead: (Grins, salsa dripping down his chin) Now that’s a challenge I can get behind. Just don’t tell me there’s a TikTok dance for eatin’ guacamole. I ain’t breakin’ no hips for an avocado fix.
Hambone: (Chuckles) No worries, amigo. We’ll stick to the good ol’ fashioned way of enjoyin’ Tex-Mex: with laughter, good company, and enough napkins to clog a commode.
All is not Lost
Mullethead and Hambone raise their glasses, the sound of laughter and clinking silverware drowning out the faint ping of TikTok notifications on surrounding patrons’ phones. For now, at least, they have barbacoa and the presence of mind to dodge the digital dust storm. But who knows what the next challenge, the next algorithm, the next dance craze will bring? One thing’s for sure: Mullethead and Hambone will face it head-on, with a healthy dose of sarcasm, a sprinkle of Texas swagger, and enough Tex-Mex goodness to fuel their fight against the dumbing down of America, one bite at a time.
*We use social media too (not TikTok, though its’ videos work their way onto other platforms) and it’s not all bad. The key is to be aware of the content you consume and how it affects tracking algorithms, no matter the platform. Unfortunately, as with most things internet related, there are almost always costs associated with benefits. Those responsible, likely are not concerned with your wellbeing. Be careful what you click! Stock your feed with healthy, useful content and minimize your exposure to those who don’t care about you.
Thank you for joining us!
Disclaimer: This blog post is intended to be humorous and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author. It is important to have healthy and balanced discussions about the impact of technology and social media on our lives.
